The One You Wanted Me To Be
by Kylrane
Summary: A "Goodbye Jeff" fic. Just found out this morning *sigh* and I just wrote it. I don't have all the facts straight, but I believe Jeff is the one who quit. Anyway, PG for one little word.


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Disclaimer: I don't own the WWE and right now I am so pissed at them that I don't want to own them. I don't own Jeff Hardy either. Jeff Hardy owns Jeff Hardy. The song belongs to the band 3 Doors Down.

Ahh. I just spilled tea all over my mouse pad. Just adds to my craziness.

Ok, yesterday, I saw a few fics saying goodbye to Jeff Hardy. Now I go to the WWE.com website and it says the WWE has severed ties with him!! AHHHH!!! WHAT?! I know that in my fics and in my bio I've made fun of him and stated that I'm fed up with his lack of enthusiasm for the sport. But now he's gone...gone damnit gone!! He's a great wrestler, he brought wrestling to a new level along with Matt as the Hardy Boyz, and redefined the word 'daredevil'. He brought a whole new excitement to the table when he stepped into the ring. Jeff was unique, different, and loved by many. We will definitely miss him so much. At least I know I will. Come to think of it, Raw may be boring now. *sigh*

If this was some kind of practical joke pulled by the WWE, it's a really sick joke. 

Jeff was slacking a little, I admit, and I really did feel that he could step up his act, but he was JEFF HARDY, damnit. Jeff Hardy. There's no one else like him. I realize he wanted to get into music and he didn't love wrestling as much as he used to, but I believe that everyone changes as they get older. Look, maybe he truly did want to leave to WWE. But so abruptly? As a wrestling fan, as a former Jeff Hardy *ahem* fangirl, and as simply a writer who adored a character presented in the form of Jeff, I feel robbed, sad, and upset. But there's nothing I can do, huh? I know I should be writing this on my diary land page, but I thought it would be a good intro for this short ficcy. I just needed to get this whole thing out. It probably sucks ass, but who gives a fuck. It's my tribute to Jeff.

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The One You Wanted Me To Be

by Kylrane

I sit here, wondering what to do, what to say. I'm not on the road. I'm not going to be on Raw next Monday. I'm not a wrestler anymore. I'm just Jeff Hardy. Just Jeff Hardy. Jeff Hardy, of Cameron, North Carolina. Former WWE superstar. Former. God, I hate that word. Former. It means once was, but no longer. Once was a WWE superstar, but no longer. I had achieved my dream, I was a pro-wrestler. I was the daredevil. I jumped off of ladders, I was thrown into tables, I got hit time and time again with steel chairs. I put my body on the line every time I stepped into the ring. Sure, it hurt like hell, but it was an adrenaline rush to step out onto that ramp and have thousands of people cheering you on. If the fans loved it when I took a hard bump, it was worth it.

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There's another world inside of me that you may never see

There's secrets in this life that I can't hide

Well somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find

Well maybe it's too far away

Or maybe I'm just blind

Maybe I'm just blind

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Whenever I caught myself falling into some sort of a sadness or a depression, I just had to reach out to the fans. The fans, who are so passionate and kind and sweet. I don't think you ever to expect to one day wake up and realize that not only there are people around the world who know who you are, but there are people around the world that adore you. And I adore them back. I wish I could get to know every single one, to give back to them everything that they had given me. They may never know the real Jeff Hardy, the Jeff Hardy that exists outside of the ring and inside of the wrestler, but they are loyal to Jeff Hardy nonetheless. How can you not appreciate that?

I just couldn't do it anymore. The company wanted something from me that I just couldn't give. I was put in so many shitty matches, with no real storyline. Sure, I'd been stuck with Trish, but that seemed to be my only gimmick. "Former Hardy Boy now painted confused freak dating diva." Could you blame me for hating that? I had ideas, and I did pitch them, but so many times they were waved off. I don't know if the fans will understand. I think they'll hate me, but I tried so hard to be something valuable to the WWE and somehow it just didn't work. They wanted me to tone down the Xtreme, which was my biggest asset. I'm Jeff Hardy, damnit, I'm the daredevil! But Jeff Hardy did indeed tone down the Xtreme. And what happened? I just got into a slump.

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So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared 

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am 

And everything in me

Wants to be the one you wanted me to be

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I probably would be forgotten quickly, not thought about. Like Raven, when he left the company. Now he's in NWA, but I don't think I could make the transition as easily. My heart is still with the WWE. Sure I left them, but I still loved the business. But business wasn't being done on my own terms. I think the fans knew how I suffered under that storyline with Trish. They noticed that I was going through a slump, a losing streak. They noticed I wasn't receiving any pushes or opportunities. And they knew I could do better. But I was stuck in a position where the only place I could move was down. There was no storyline for me concerning title belts or main eventing.

I desperately wanted to do better for the fans. I truly did want to step up my act. I wondered if I was really better off sticking with Matt. Bubba and D-Von got back together again as a tag team and experienced success. Maybe I needed to be a heel instead of a face as I had almost always been. Maybe I needed to go back to using ladders and being Xtreme. I don't know. Now we might never know. There's no way I could test out my ideas now. 

I guess now I've got the time to spend with my band. To write music, record, maybe get a record deal. Then again, look at Chris Jericho and Fozzy. They aren't exactly commercially successful. What am I saying? Chris is happy. He's doing what he loves to do. He gets to wrestle and he gets to play music, whereas I have neither a wrestling contract or a record contract. How am I supposed to get through this now? Of course I'll keep watching Raw and Smackdown, rooting for my friends and especially Matt. But it's painful to see that I once did that and I can do it no longer. It's worse than being out on injury, because even though once I heal from this, I won't be making a return.

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I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong 

Hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone

Love me when I'm gone

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If only they knew what I'd do to get back in the ring again. I would really do anything. I did everything to make the fans happy, and I'd do it again. I can't believe it's over. It's actually over. Jeff Hardy the wrestler is gone. Jeff Hardy the guy from North Carolina who writes poetry and sings in a band is still here. He's always been there, just hidden away. The fans knew a little about that Jeff, but not everything. And now he's the only Jeff in existence. I hope that Jeff can carry on. When I made the painful decision to leave the WWE, I didn't think it would be this hard. I didn't realize I would be the one suffering the most. 

When I took the path to become a wrestler, never in a million years did I think that I would be leaving the WWE so early. I never thought I would be so fed up with my job and my gimmick that I would walk out. Back then I would have said I was being selfish. Maybe I am being selfish. But you grow as you get older, you want to do other things. It doesn't necessarily mean that your love for the things you still do is gone. I didn't realize that until now. You learn from mistakes. There perhaps still is a chance that I can come back someday, as others have. But would the fans forgive me?

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When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin

I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends

Roaming through the darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone

And part of me is fighting this

But part of me is gone

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So I'm going to just try and move on. It feels like living without air. I'm going through the motions but I'm not feeling anything. Part of me is gone. I'm not there anymore. I can't take it, my dreams have been indeed shattered. Sure, you travel a hell of a lot and you don't get to spend a lot of time with your loved ones, but it's the business, that's the way it is. And I loved that business. I loved wrestling. I still do. I love the fans, I love that life, and now its gone.

Everything I am and everything in me wants to be the one you wanted me to be. The one I wanted me to be. But I can't be that one in the ring anymore. The WWE wouldn't let me. 

Signed,

Jeff Hardy

Thank you for the years, Jeff. Part of us is gone too. I hope you feel like you made the right decision. 


End file.
